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November 9, 2006
I'm A Bumper The Pikes
Interesting story from a poker table today. I was playing with a bunch of nitwits, as per usual, and making fun of this one moron who was apparently Norwegian. He was doing a great job of dispelling the myth that people from the Nordic countries are good at poker.
Of course, as with anytime some total donkey starts trash talking and I do it back, he promptly went on a heater and ran his stack into 5 times what it was. As always in that situation I didn't win a hand for an hour and lost about as much as he had gained. And then everyone else left and we were heads up.
He was a pretty bad player 6 handed, heads up he sucked beyond description. I took about 80% of his stack within 10 minutes and then two other people sat down. So what did he do? He put a curse on me, naturally.
He told me to read the words "jeg er en stor gjedde" aloud. I told him I didn’t know how to pronounce a "gj", so he said to just read them then. I told him that the fact that he thought he could curse me through the internet didn't speak well for his poker career (he plays for a living, like everyone else) because everyone knows you have to at least do curses over the phone.
I also told him that he should at least curse himself up some hands and then follow by cursing himself up a higher IQ with which to play them better. Instead he just copied and pasted that gibberish in about 20 times, told me that I'd wake up feeling funny, and left.
I ran that through an online translator and it turns out to mean "I'm a bumper the pikes." What the hell does that mean? Is that Norwegian slang for "I'm gay"? Was he trying to curse me into homosexuality? And if so, wouldn't he be better off saying "You're a bumper the pikes" or "you're going to become a bumper the pikes"? The way he phrased it, it would seem he's really just cursing himself to a lifetime of bumpering the pikes, whatever it means.
I have to say this is the first time I've ever been cursed. Cursed at is a daily occurrence. But plain old cursed is new to me. Luckily I'm pretty certain that curses don't work, given the fact that everyone who believes in them is destitute. And if I'm wrong being gay can't be all that bad. Some readers told me a month or two ago that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, but at the very least it will save me from having to do any more wedding planning.
Either way I know the first thing I'm going to do when I wake up tomorrow is Google around for some of the internet's finest girl on girl action and see whether or not I'll be spending the rest of my life as "a bumper the pikes". I'm laying 3-1 that says there's no pike bumpering in my future. Any takers?
Posted by themaroon at November 9, 2006 4:08 AM
Comments
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Sounds like the old MM that we've come to know and love still has the mad skills to put donkeys on tilt.
Now stay off the turnpike. Or don't eat pike. Especially off of bumpers.
Posted by: Poker Jones at November 9, 2006 9:50 AM
at first glance i translated it to meaning "i am a big jew" which is "jag er en stor jude" in swdish which is similar to norweigen.
Posted by: tommy at November 9, 2006 10:48 AM
Hey Matt.. not sure if you get cardplayer magazine... if so.. check out Barry Tannenboum's most recent article about playing "marginal hands"..
basically, in a LIMIT game, he suggests folding A-9 in the big blind to a single raise from a loose player and a cold caller... as A-9 is a "marginal hand" (the article hasn't been posted online yet, or else I would have linked it)
How bad is this advice? How do these people get a column... It made me think of your post on Rafe Furtst's "lesson".. I was thinking that the reason there's still so much money to be made today desoite all of the wealth of strategy literature out there is that so much of this "literature" is actually really bad
Posted by: dave sepe at November 9, 2006 11:10 AM
I think he was calling you a fish.
But Pikes are generally the predator fish not the prey...
Posted by: Drizztdj at November 9, 2006 11:12 AM
So much for online translation...the curse means something like: "I'm a big pike".
Apparantly this is very bad. For a norwegian.
Whatever.
/j.
Posted by: joxum at November 9, 2006 11:39 AM
OMG you are on a roll!
QL
Posted by: Richard Brodie at November 9, 2006 12:10 PM
Is that Norwegian slang for "I'm gay"? Was he trying to curse me into homosexuality?
"Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you--very homosexually."
Posted by: fun160 at November 9, 2006 3:30 PM
"Luckily I'm pretty certain that curses don't work, given the fact that everyone who believes in them is destitute."
That could quite possibly be one of the funniest things I've ever read.
Posted by: jasonama23 at November 9, 2006 3:43 PM
It means "I am a big pike".
Since he asked you to read them I supposed they were meant for you. In that case I believed he wanted to convey the message that you are "a big fish".
Norwegians are not precisely known for their humor. In fact, the only thing they are known for is their ferocious baby-seal clubbing and their appetite for whale-meat.
Posted by: mewl at November 9, 2006 3:49 PM