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April 11, 2007
The Final Chapter In My Poker Career, Pt. 2
So I played at those games pretty much full time for a month. And I won a little bit, but not much. I'm glad I did it though. For one, I got to see a lot of the people I hadn't seen in a long time. There are a number of people there I like who I hadn't really had a chance to talk to in a year or two. One thing about poker is that everyone who plays it has a lot in common. If you like poker and are put in a room full of other people who like poker, it isn't hard to make friends. Despite the number of nutjobs and degenerates, there are still plenty of genuinely good people there.
And for another, it made me realize how much I hate this game. I'm at a point where I have no desire to play whatsoever, so I think I'm going to take a break. Maybe a very long one. The bad streak I've endured over the last year is the sort that you can only get through if you really love the game, and I just don't anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. I haven't enjoyed playing poker in years, but until this downswing began I could at least tolerate it. Now I can't, or maybe I can but just don't want to.
I'm not sure I even could play my way through this if I wanted to. My outlook is so negative that I can't play anywhere near my best. During previous bad streaks I always had confidence that I'd pull through, and I always did. My outlook stayed positive and the bad luck had as little effect as possible on my game. But this one has been so bad, so long, and so demoralizing that I go into every session expecting to lose, whether I play well or not, and unsurprisingly I usually do. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So now I find myself playing a game that I hate and not making any money at it. Poker eats my time and makes me miserable, and that was acceptable when it gave me something in return. But now it doesn't, and I feel, whether correctly or not, like it won't any time in the foreseeable future. It's like a really bad girlfriend, and just like I would with one of those, I'm cutting it out of my life, at least as a career.
I don't mean to sound bitter, because I'm not. Poker has been very good to me. I've made a ridiculous amount of money at it. I've made some great friends that I otherwise would not have. This blog introduced me to writing, which is still a favorite hobby of mine. I've used the contacts and experience I've gained over the last few years to segue into some rather profitable business ventures, and I've learned more about internet marketing than even a lot of professionals know. I've only set an alarm clock maybe a couple dozen times in the last four years. I've stayed in many of the world's greatest hotels and eaten some at some of its finest restaurants. I've even published a book. I feel as if I'm further ahead in life than most people twice my age, and without poker I probably would have just gotten a computer science degree and some job I hate. Right now I'd be slaving away over not much money and wondering when some guy in India was going to replace me.
And all the while I've avoided most of the pitfalls of playing poker for a living. I haven't become a gambling addict. I don't owe anybody money, and nobody owes me. And if anything, I'm probably more employable now than I was when I started this, as I've since been published and incorporated my own business. Those are probably the three biggest traps poker players fall into, debt, gambling addiction, and unemployability, and I'm further away from all three than I was four years ago. I wish I could say the same about a lot of the professional poker players I know.
I don't like the culture that's sprung up around poker over the last few years. I feel that the media, in their pursuit of profit, has done both players and the public a great disservice. They've taken an underground that was more or less a meritocracy and put it through Hollywood's ringer. It used to be that the poker players you read about were the ones who had a track record of excellence. Now more of the well-known players than not are just the best looking people ESPN could find anywhere near a top table. Every time a skinny girl makes their buy-in back in a major tournament she gets an endorsement deal. That's the exact opposite of poker.
The new poker culture celebrates luck, both genetic and at the tournament table, over hard work and intelligence. They've glorified the game and the culture around it and made it into something it isn't. They've made even people who should know better think that the best players are the ones who win the big tournaments, when most of them couldn't even beat a $2/$4 NL game. Hell, half of the people who win a million in a poker tournament are broke a year later, and some are broke after a couple weeks. The siren song promises riches and pseudo-celebrity, but the reality is that the few people who win more than they lose usually just end up gambling addicts in major debt. The new poker culture is a disservice to the game and an even bigger disservice to the people who are actually good at it and work hard at improving their play.
In reality the poker table is the last true meritocracy. It's the one place where racism and sexism can only cost you money. There's no wage gap, there's no social stratification. No good old boys club. It doesn't matter who you are, who your parents are, what degree you have, whether you're a felon or a priest. And it certainly doesn't matter if you're an anorexic Asian girl with a boob job. You're always welcome at the table and none of that has any real effect on your results. There's just people competing with no handicap and, in the long run, the best player wins. It's a beautiful thing, but it isn't very sexy or exciting and I totally understand why the real game doesn't make for good television. I certainly don't subscribe to any worldview that sees Hollywood as evil for trying to make something more popular and, therefore, more profitable. I just wish for more insiders who are open and honest about the game and let people know that what they are seeing is not poker. It's entertainment that vaguely resembles poker.
But none of that Hollywood bullshit has anything to do with the game itself or me. Though it makes me sad on occasion, I'm pretty far removed from it. Poker still has the potential, for me, to be enjoyable as a hobby, though it will be a while before I get back to that phase. I just need to get some things in order, and maybe get to the point where it isn't my primary source of income.
Really it's just not a good way to make a living. I really think that most people who make a good amount of money at poker could make ten times as much in the business world with greater satisfaction. Paul Phillips said that long ago, and he's right. I didn't realize it until recently, but he is. I feel that even though I've made more money off of poker, I'm considerably more proud of what I make from other pursuits. And on an hourly rate basis, they crush what even the best players make.
Don't get me wrong, poker is definitely a great way for a young person to make a bunch of money. But there comes a point where it's best relegated to hobby status, and that's where I am in my life now. I think. So I'm not entirely certain what my main source of income will be in the long term, but I'm tired of it being poker. So for the near future, I won't be playing much, if at all.
I have some projects I'm working on anyway. I'm currently fixing up RakeSucks. I plan to overhaul the site, making it better looking and more functional. I'm going to add a couple more sites to the roster and then maybe work on promoting it a bit. I should be able to make considerably more than I do off of that site with a little effort.
Then I'll overhaul TheStarsExchange as well. It's perfectly functional, but could use a better design and a little more promotion as well. It's been more profitable than I had anticipated, but I think it can do even better with a little work. I know one of our competitors is still doing much more volume than we are, and I can't figure out why since our rates are so much better (even than his typical private deals). So I'm going to work on getting the message out a little more.
And I've got a couple projects in the early stages that I'll talk more about later. They're not poker-related (though I do actually have one of those in mind too) so it won't be here. I even got invited for one of them to meet with the guys who run a program called YCombinator. From what I understand a low percentage of applicants get that far, and if they like us we'll be spending much of the summer in Boston working on the project, which would definitely mean no WSOP for me. If we don't make it in I might play the main event, but that would be about it.
The most frequent comment I've received over the last couple days is "don't stop writing." I appreciate that more than you could know. This post alone I probably spent three hours on, and while most don't take up that much time, they all require a lot of effort. Good to know it's worth it.
So have no fear, I won't. I won't even stop writing about poker. It's one of the many things I want to do with the extra time. Writing is near the top of the list, along with becoming fiscally responsible (I actually purchased Quicken! Hell hath frozen over) and exercising more regularly. I do expect my non-poker blog will be updated far more frequently, but I'd guess that the few of you who commented (though not the majority of passive readers on this site) like that one better anyway.
And really all of this doesn't mean much. Being a professional poker player is a lot like being a psychic. There are no real qualifications, you just hang a sign on the door that says that's what you are. I'm just flipping the sign over to the other side. I'm not entirely sure what it says yet. Who knows, maybe it's blank and there will be an epilogue.
Posted by themaroon at April 11, 2007 4:31 AM
Comments
So do you think your year long bad streak is a indication that your style of play probably doesn't work anymore? sbrugby went through a nasty down streak where he had to re-evaluate his Omaha game. He decided to move down for now.
It also reminds me of what Sklansky said, at the really high levels, the chances that the table has very good players is very high. The edge that one of them has over the other is then further reduced. It becomes a matter of the stack getting moved around to the hottest hand.
Posted by: anonymous at April 11, 2007 8:01 AM
Great post for so many reasons, not the least of which is that it hits home. Living vicariously through friends and playing as much as I did, the feelings you are sharing are the norm.
Posted by: doubleas at April 11, 2007 9:10 AM
I'm not so sure why you'd want to get involved with Y Combinator. From my understanding, they prey on college kids with no money. I think their strategy is to throw a couple grand at you and lock you in a room for a few months with a laptop and big box of ramen noodles.
The only advantage I can think of is the chance to network with some big players in the industry. But since you claim to know more than most experts about internet marketing, you don't necessarily need that either.
And their front-man, Paul Graham, is a bit of a tool. I don't know him or his company personally, but I've been reading Paul's blog for a couple of years now. He's the typical MIT grad who lucked into a few bucks during the internet bubble, realized that the Venture Capitalists make the real money and decided to get into that game instead.
Posted by: kosta at April 11, 2007 10:10 AM
Interesting post, Matt. You've survived -- nay, thrived -- for years in a world most poker players can't hack it in for a month. It's impressive and you've taken us along for the ride. Thanks.
To boot, you are a very good writer. In fact, you've improved quite a bit over the years. I still think too many of your posts spew too much vitriol, but these are minor quibbles. There is a reason so many of us keep coming back for more. You have more to say than how your aces were cracked by some donkey who drew out his gut-shot on the river.
Anyway, look me up if you are in Boston this summer. I'd love to share a Scotch with you.
Tom
Posted by: Tom at April 11, 2007 10:22 AM
You should publish this entire blog as a book. I would certainly buy it.
Back before you took down your archives I read through the whole thing more than once.
Posted by: Steve at April 11, 2007 10:31 AM
Matt,
I put in my vote for you not to quit writing this blog. I like to play as a hobby, and have never come close to making serious money, but like the insight on what playing for that kind of money was like to you. I work an almost full time office job, and I'm in college, so I enjoy checking my favorites list to see if you have posted, it burns time. I REALLY REALLY think you would be hilarious in radio, b/c of your sarcastic takes and all. Don't know how much your into sports, but it seems like sports radio would fit you well. Good luck to you in whatever you do in life and "keep us posted".Late
Posted by: Dornie at April 11, 2007 11:01 AM
Matt,
Congrats on your decision. It takes a lot of balls and self awareness to realize that your current job is making you miserable. It takes even more to do something about it.
I'm Boston based, so let me know if you need any guidance on where to stay, restaurants, etc.
Good luck,
Jeff
Posted by: Jeff D at April 11, 2007 12:32 PM
In the end all that matters is being happy. You have made a wise decision to change course.
Best of luck, Matt!
Posted by: Michael at April 11, 2007 9:03 PM
Hi Matt. I started reading your blog by accident after typing "I hate poker" into Google after a particularly bad day, when I had just started playing. The Poker Chronicles was top of the list and from then I was hooked. I read the archives and learnt so much about the game from your posts, while being entertained.
Anyway I know you're going to keep writing, but everyone seems to be writing nostalgic posts so I thought I may as well too.
Cheers Matt, gl with your future endeavors.
Posted by: Phil at April 12, 2007 9:20 AM
really think that most people who make a good amount of money at poker could make ten times as much in the business world with greater satisfaction. Paul Phillips said that long ago, and he's right.
You and Paul are out of your minds. What percentage of 22-year-olds are out there in the business world making $100/hour? How many 2-4 NL grinders are out there doing exactly that?
But aside from that, nice post. Good luck in whatever it is you do, and sorry to lose you from the club.
Posted by: Terrence at April 13, 2007 4:50 AM
I did say that it’s a great way for young people to make money. There comes an age though where the number of people making any given dollar amount from the business world is an order of magnitude larger than the number making that much from poker.
There are over 3 million people in the U.S. who earn $300k a year or more. How many poker players are doin that? I’d be surprised if it’s 300. And there are hundreds of thousands making over a million a year, and I’m not certain anyone makes that much, on average, from poker. At most a few do.
Posted by: Matthew Maroon at April 14, 2007 2:45 AM
"What percentage of 22-year-olds are out there in the business world making $100/hour? How many 2-4 NL grinders are out there doing exactly that?"
I don't think very many people are making $100/hr grinding 2/4 NL anymore. Those days are long gone.
Posted by: Joe at April 14, 2007 12:34 PM
A great poker player knows when to stop riding the wave and walk away from the table.
Nice one Matt.
Posted by: David Phu at April 14, 2007 4:12 PM
Matt, this is just awful news, I am a huge fan and have been reading your blog from pretty much the very early days I started playing poker. What do you put your inability to soundly beat the games these days down to?
Posted by: Adam Rigg at April 17, 2007 2:36 AM
Nice knock on Liz Lieu. Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Luke at April 18, 2007 10:45 PM
Hey Matt,
I just came across your blog for the first time. I have to say, your writing is flawless. You really have a very unique voice, and your poker advice has helped me out in more ways than one. I really hope you continue to write in one way or another...
Posted by: us online poker room at April 19, 2007 1:20 AM
Sorry to hear that you're quitting for now but at the same time - good for you.
Posted by: Whatever2002 at April 23, 2007 2:11 PM